Original Paragraph from Literacy Narrative:

When my father told me I was going on a trip with him to California I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Once we got to California, my dad always made it fun, but the trip there bore the hell out of me. It is not exactly a national pastime to stare at endless lines of barbed wire fence over dry rolling hills that look so dry that even the thought of a spark could induce a massive wildfire. My father knew I was going to get bored, and he–being the guy he was–suggested I take a copy of Cannery Row by John Steinbeck with me. Telling this to an eleven or twelve-year-old is surely something. John Steinbeck was an American writer who did a majority of his work during the Great Depression studying labor issues and migration in California. This is generally not a subject that many kids get worked up about. John Steinbeck was my father’s favorite author; in fact, every year to this day he rereads Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. Everytime (sic) he reads those two, my father expressess (sic) how much he loves those books. Him telling me to bring that old book along would be just the sponsorship I needed to come to some realizations.

My version:

When my parents told me that I was going to Pelham Preparatory Academy I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Once I got to high school, my friends always made it fun, but the lectures there bore the hell out of me. It is not exactly a national pastime to stare at the endless lines of chalk on a blackboard that hasn’t been cleaned in ages while the clock slowly and inevitably ticks toward my freedom from a place that I called my sanctuary jail because of my friends, but the limits that were also placed on us while we were there. My English teacher, knowing my friends and I were going to get bored and find some way to goof away from the topic at hand, and he–being the guy he was–suggested we re-enact scenes from Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. Telling this to a group of 20 honors students at 8:30 in the morning is surely something, which is really a euphemistic way of saying that this guy was absolutely insane if he thought he was going to get us up off our seats, let alone embarrass ourselves in front of our own peers by…acting. John Steinbeck was an American writer who did a majority of his work during the Great Depression studying labor issues and migration in California. This is generally not a subject that many kids get worked up about, let alone 20 students at 8:30 in the morning on a Monday no less. John Steinbeck was one of my teacher’s favorite authors, so much so that he actually started to make us enjoy the book through what seemed like his infinite perspectives on the book, which the act-out scenes more unique each time. Everytime (sic) we look at the book through another scene and find some way to make it fun (like using paper balls for bullets and table flipping for dramatic effect), our teacher would always express how much he loves Steinbeck and how we can truly bring out the best of our interpretations. Him telling the class that our interpretations got more fun and more thoughtful each time would be just the motivation we needed to come to some realizations about the book and our own lives (insert piano effect of duh duh dun because this literacy narrative always overdramatized every last sentence).

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