March 4, 2019

Dear Diary,

I find it surprising that I am writing in this uncomfortable goat hand-made chair instead of feeding the animals, the turkeys, and the pigs. I have never written a journal entry before because I am either too busy taking care of the farm or styling women hairs. I am an extrovert that always likes to converse and be with people. My mother is always calling me to do insignificant things but surprisingly she has remained quiet. Today I had to wake up early because Lujan sent me a message with her daughter saying that she was coming at dawn to blow dry her hair because she was going to the city, Puerto Plata. Honestly, I do not like to style her because she has too much hair and I spend an eternity blow drying her hair, usually, my arms end up tired. The mere thought of it again makes me exhausted. But, I already did it, therefore, I have the rest of the day for myself to do as I desire.

As I stare at the fields that extend for miles and the animals roaming around makes me think about the previous week, my children disappointed face when we were denied again from attaining a permanent resident card because I committed “fraud.” I recall the harsh and stony face of the foreigner stating that we did not qualify to get a green card and that my case was going to remain open. My heart instantly dropped at that moment because we waited so long to get an interview and we grasped to what the lawyer in New York said, that it was highly improbable that this time we were going to get denied. Every aspect of the application process seemed to be in our favor. Honestly, after I was rejected the first time I did not want to enter the process again, but my family wanted me to apply thus my mother correspondingly did her citizenship so that she could petition me again. I told her that there was no need because I had a great life in Sosua with my children. My oldest child, Domingo, is studying to be a surveyor, my middle child, Ramon, is studying veterinary and my youngest daughter Yasmel is in high school. Nonetheless, we were full of hope that time that when we got rejected I questioned myself if it was my fault. The accusations made that I committed fraud hurt me the most. They erroneously accused me because I never intended my divorced as a means to come to the United States. The relationship that I had with the father of my children was broken prior to that.

After being rejected twice I would never spend my money to apply again. Since the immigration official said that the case was going to remain open my sister spoke to the lawyer and she said that there is nothing that we can do. I gave up because I am not going to pour all my energy into the case again. I could have used that money I utilized for both applications to make a bigger business on the farm. During this season of the year, each cow in the farm is producing around 36 liters of milk and the price per liter is $23 pesos. If I would have used that money to expand on my business I would have more success now. Nevertheless, I do not regret applying twice because my children wanted to go as almost my entire family is in the U.S. Although there is a piece of me that is glad about getting rejected that another piece is sad because I wanted to have and provide a better life to my children. The education in the U.S is better than the Dominican Republic and I wanted to grant them with that opportunity. Nonetheless, I am in my home country and there is no better place to be than where I am now. I relocated to the countryside to help my mother with the labor from the sunny Sosua, but I have come to understand that it is an amazing place to live, I simply adore it here. My children were the sole reason why I entered the second immigration process because my entire life is here. I have no desire nor interest in going to the United States. My brothers and sisters are always telling me how awful it is to live in New York due to the fast-paced life and weather conditions. They are always complaining and saying that they do not have a life since all they do is work. Nonetheless, it was going to be a completely new experience to visit my family members and new places as I have never left the Dominican Republic. But, I am too attached to the farm and to the slow-paced lifestyle here that I do not think that I would have last too much in the U.S. The D.R is a beautiful nation with the best beaches and natural life. I do not think that there is any other place more wonderful than here, I would not trade my nation for any other place in the world. In the end, I have come to comprehend that I do not regret being denied twice because I now know that where I belong is here.

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