Dear Kaitlin’s Psychologically Abusive Parents,
A few days ago I talked your daughter out of running away from home. A couple weeks ago I begged her not to commit suicide. Today is only day 39 of our friendship. I have never met someone so breathtaking yet so psychologically traumatized. How can that possibly be? Do you both realize how your actions and words have impacted Kaitlin? Well if you did, I wouldn’t be writing this letter.
At this moment, you may be wondering what specific things you have done to Kaitlin that compelled me to write this letter. Let us start with the moment Kaitlin knew she was born into an unstable family. Your relationship only lasted 6 years of her life. All you did was verbally and physically abuse each other. One day, you began arguing over a minor issue, but things escalated quickly. “She grabbed a knife and chased my dad around the house. He pinned her down. I had no idea what was going on. I had to get my grandparents, they lived right above us, to separate them. After things calmed down my mom went for a walk and disappeared for 2 whole hours. That’s when I knew my family wasn’t like other families”. She remembers this incident as if it happened yesterday. She was only 4 years old.
Stephanie, you had an affair with Kaitlin’s paternal grandfather. “I was only 5 when my dad told me about the affair. My mom tried to lie and manipulate me into thinking it wasn’t true. She ruined my relationship with my dad”. You took Kaitlin and moved into your mother’s house where you found a boyfriend and got pregnant. “My maternal grandmother was super strict so when she realized my mom was pregnant she kicked us out”. You, Kaitlin, and your unborn son had no choice but to live in a homeless shelter. Kaitlin was exposed to these harsh living conditions at such a young age. When you were 8 months pregnant you became extremely sick and gave full custody of Kaitlin to her dad. “She only added fuel to the fire.”
Esteban, you hated Kaitlin because you believed she knew about these affairs. “My step-mom also cheated on my dad with my grandfather. She would always let me go out with my then-boyfriend but it never occurred to me why she gave me so much freedom. I hate myself for not putting two and two together”. For 6 months you constantly reminded Kaitlin how much you disliked her. You would make rude comments about her weight, how she looked, and how she dressed. You called her stupid, dumb, and compared her to her mother. You made her believe that she ruined your life. One day you gave her a black eye, but you manipulated her into thinking that never happened. “I don’t think there is a worse feeling than being genuinely hated by your own flesh and blood”.
I asked Kaitlin to describe herself now. She paused. She looks at me and says “a bundle of mental health problems both hereditary and developed”. Kaitlin is currently suffering from anxiety and bipolar depression. Esteban, you consistently criticize, threaten, intimidate, and manipulate Kaitlin to the point where she feels like a trapped 18 year old living like a 6 year old. Stephanie, you make no effort to see or care for your daughter so she refers to you as a “deadbeat mom”. Nonetheless, she still hopes to mend her relationships with both of you and would like me to pass a message: “I’d like to thank you. Even though I’ve become psychologically messed up from your emotional abuse, your abuse made me stronger. I would never wish the abuse I received from you guys even on my worst enemy, but the fact is that now I push myself harder and harder every day to feel accepted, loved, and cared about by the people I surround myself with. It’s both a blessing and a curse, but thanks for that, for whatever it’s worth to you, which is probably not much, but it is everything to me”. I hope this letter opens your eyes as much as it has opened mine.
Sincerely,
Sofia Yanez
