18 thoughts on “Autoethnography– “My Struggles with American Small Talk””
Estefania Carrera
This particular reading is very interesting because not only opens up what is to go through assimilation but also highly relates to my own experience as an immigrant. Coming to the United States with the only knowledge of your own culture can be quite difficult because everything seems to amaze you or everything makes you look really dumb. Mahajan, the protagonist and author, talks about her struggle getting use to the American life, specially when it comes to the ”small talk”. If you never lived in the America, you wouldn’t understand the meaning of being rude/nice, minding your own business and the ”small talk”. ”American life is based on reassurance that we like one another but won’t violate one another’s privacies”, page 2, My Struggle With American Talk, Karan Mahajan.
Whoever came to America after leaving their mother land can understand the struggle of having an accent and other people not understanding certain words you can’t pronounce properly, the struggle of being rejected for an specific social group and how easily can you feel depressed and alone. I truly think that the text tries to project how important is to know how to ”small talk” because your social interactions depend on it, and in most cases this is how people make good connections for jobs, social status, get into places, etc. Assimilation is difficult and America is not for everybody but that doesn’t take away the many great opportunities found in this country.
Thanks Estefania. I appreciate the connections you make between small talk and assimilation. It seems you see small talk as a thing we need to understand through assimilation. I didn’t see it as that. I saw small talk as this idea that means something different depending on where you are. I think it’s okay to understand small talk as something different from what an American might think. Maybe all of our ideas on small talk can co-exist.
As a person who lives in America, I think I can speak from experience when I say that the American culture is certainly one of the strangest. Every interaction with another individual almost always requires small talk, or it would be considered disrespectful. This ‘small talk’ is just a brief exchange of words that always start with a greeting and then possibly a good gesture or compliment, but as Mahajan mentions, how sincere are the actual gesture/compliment if one does it with every small talk we encounter throughout our daily lives in America. This is the type of small talk that I have personally tried to stray away from for the simple reason that it is unnecessary and it seems two-faced. The entire small talk just seems fake and manipulative because many times, they really do not think that ones shirt looks nice or that they like their hair, it’s just a front to something else that they are attempting to receive during the dialogue. I believe it is time that we start to move forward from the ‘small talk’ because it just seems to be insincere, instead we should just start a interaction with the objective of the individual. A salesmen should be direct with what they are attempting to sell, because it is very clear to all parties involved that the salesmen is going to start the conversation with a compliment to try to win over the client and from our personal experiences, we know it is not genuine. In a country like America, I think it is crucial we get straight to business.
Thanks Joel. Your astute observation that sometimes small talk is actually a waste of time made me laugh. I kind of hate when someone compliments my outfit or hair because I feel like the person is saying that’s all I care about. Your post makes me think of all of the manipulations of small talk at the work place.
This piece of writing is relatable to most in quite some ways. I can relate to Kran when he states that where he grew up, you don’t ask each other how your day has been. That is the famous statement of American small talk. It’s absurd for Karan’s friend Tom to mention that he is “rude” to waiter due to him not making small talk, even if he was only joking. Tom has influenced Karan to make small talk and that is what he thinks about before going anywhere. Can you imagine going to starbucks for example, just to make small talk with an employee as they are simply trying to do their job? Don’t get me wrong small talk can be nice, especially if you are a frequent customer. However, for the most part small talk is awkward if I do say so myself and to make a compliment even if it isn’t true.
Thanks Fathima! I love when you say small talk at a Starbucks is awkward if the barista is simply trying to do their job. Did you know “small talk” is considered “good customer service” in some stores in the US? I realized this when I went to Germany and none of the waiters were interested in talking to me about the weather. Go figure!
In his autoethnography, “My Struggle With American Small Talk”, Karan Mahajan writes about the challenges of small talk in the United States. He states how “small talk” is “dishonest” (2). Personally, I believe small talk is normal and not weird at all, to a certain point of course. For instance, in my town in Mexico, it’s actually considered rude if you don’t make small talk with someone especially in a restaurant or in a grocery store. Since I grew up around that culture, small talk was never an issue I thought was random in other countries. However, I believe compliments or making “jokes” are too much. One could greet a person and leave it at that, there’s no need to joke around with a stranger who’s working. Additionally, there are a few workers that make small talk because their job requires them to. For instance, if you go to a shoe store, a worker will try to encourage you to buy shoes by complimenting you. When they do so throughout the day, it does become insincere and they sound like robots. Furthermore, those who come from different countries definitely face culture shock like Karan did. His friend Tom was most likely raised in the United States, therefore was accustomed to small talk. However, like Karan said, in India like in many other countries, people are straightforward and don’t care about small talk. It’s the little details that make it difficult to adapt sometimes. Different countries have different cultures and when one migrates to a different country it may be difficult to adapt due to culture shock.
Thanks Rebeca, you make a really important point here about the different degrees of small talk. A friendly chat is okay, but maybe jokes and compliments can be too much. I wonder why that is? I also appreciated your acknowledgement of how difficult small talk can be if you’re not familiar with the custom. It is the little things that can be so difficult to get used to sometimes.
Growing up in Dehli, India, where small talk is rarely used, the author, Majahan found it difficult to adapt to the United States’ way of communicating. During his arrival to the United States, he did not see the point of small talk, and he thought it was offensive. However, his American friend named Tom made a joke, that the lack of small talk to restaurant workers was a sign of rudeness. In Dehli, “commerce is brusque” (NYTimes), while in the United States, an employee usually asks the customer questions such as “how’s it going?”. Ten years later, Majahan made progress in small talk, but he still thinks that Americans have a hard time understanding him.
Thanks for this summary. I wonder what you made of his resistance to small talk? I thought it was interesting to think about things other people do when talking or writing that I’m not used to and how I manage in these situations.
Extra credit 2- summary of my struggle with America small talk.
In this text, the author is comparing his Indian daily life experience to the American one. The author states that American costumers are welcome by their sellers while Indian commercial interaction is based on the mistrust reciprocally towards sellers and buyers because each thinks to be deceived by the other. For example, an Indian consumer when buying the food pays too much attention in order to find anything wrong, so he/she can reproach the seller anyhow; while an American consumer has no set in mind to vex the seller. The ritual life of these two countries is opposed. The author of this text is has experienced these two environments (India and America), that helps to fit as quick as possible in America’s habits.
Thanks Pende- interesting that you focus on consumer habits and not small talk. It’s an important analysis though. I was confused by your last sentence. What is “fitting as quick as possible in American habits?”
My Struggle with American Small Talk
The article by Karan Mahajan on “My Struggle With American Small Talk” describes the typical challenges immigrants encounter after migrating to America. While comparing his first few years in American and India, Mahajan an Indian born acknowledges that majority of people he is interacting with do not have similar cultural background as his. Therefore, Mahajan finds it odd and uneasy communicating with the Americans’ counterpart. He either feels he is under pressure because of his thick accent or because people are just racists. According to Mahajan, there is separation of responsibility that requires different response at every given time. Therefore, talking to someone unfamiliar require special consideration and selection of words that is not perceived offensive or abusive. For example, when Mahajan was in the restaurant with his friend Tom, Tom told him he was rude because he did not appreciate the waiter, nor did he crack jokes. According to Mahajan that was considered intruding to someone personal life. He was brought up in a culture that differentiated each role and selected when to say what. He considered such talks inappropriate since business time to him was separate from social life. In this scenario, I find cultural differences cross different countries contributed to Mahajan’s struggle with American small talk.
The reading “My Struggle With American Small talk” talks about that coming to the United States is not easy for new immigrants because it can be quite difficult for them to settle down in a new country. Also, it takes time to understand when we move to a new country and everything seems strange. The protagonist and author Karan Mahajan talked about how she struggled to get used to American life. The author states “American life is based on reassurance that we like one another but won’t violate one another’s privacies” Page 2. This quote means that when people come to America, and they go through the struggle of not understanding a different language. When new people try to say something to other people, they can not say it properly, which makes it difficult for them to speak with others. Also, if people can not understand English, they can not good jobs.
Thanks Aktia, I see you provide examples of the difficulty Mahajan has in settling down in a new country and then go on to analyze it. Great use of MEAL!
“My struggle with America small talk” by Karan Mahajan. The heading gave me the attraction that the story was going to be about someone struggling with talking.
In the world today, culture differs amongst people all over, and as the Indian lifestyle differs from American lifestyle; Ghanaians are also different. That is what we see in this short story about Mahajon. Mahajon came to America in the year of 2001 because of school. In the Indian society when customers are ordering food at a restaurant they have a certain way of doing so unlike we Americans who give compliments and say nice stuff to the waiters. When Mahajan’s American friend Tom tells him he is very rude and mean to waiters, he didn’t understand why Tom should say such a thing because he believed in himself he was a very nice and a friendly person.
Tom taught him how to treat customers. Mahajon believed it was all fake if he truly didn’t mean what he was trying to say to the waiter. He even thought it was meant to be making fun of a waiter just because the waiter was poor and he might be richer.
This story is very true on how we Americans preserve ourselves and act to strangers. Small talks are what helps us start conversation. Many people will like to make friends with someone but approaching the person would be a very difficult task. At times I do the same and by just saying a common “hello “can lead me to say many random stuffs. It’s not being fake or it’s not being as if you are lying about what you are complimenting the person you are speaking to about. Rather “small talks” is a great way to start of a communication with people knowing them or not.
Thanks Israel. You offer a great summary that leads into your analysis of the value of small talk. I agree with you– small talk can be the beginnings of a relationship. Sometimes it’s the only way to start a communication with a stranger! I wonder if Mahajan is troubled by the assumption we should all be good at it or even want to engage in it.
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This particular reading is very interesting because not only opens up what is to go through assimilation but also highly relates to my own experience as an immigrant. Coming to the United States with the only knowledge of your own culture can be quite difficult because everything seems to amaze you or everything makes you look really dumb. Mahajan, the protagonist and author, talks about her struggle getting use to the American life, specially when it comes to the ”small talk”. If you never lived in the America, you wouldn’t understand the meaning of being rude/nice, minding your own business and the ”small talk”. ”American life is based on reassurance that we like one another but won’t violate one another’s privacies”, page 2, My Struggle With American Talk, Karan Mahajan.
Whoever came to America after leaving their mother land can understand the struggle of having an accent and other people not understanding certain words you can’t pronounce properly, the struggle of being rejected for an specific social group and how easily can you feel depressed and alone. I truly think that the text tries to project how important is to know how to ”small talk” because your social interactions depend on it, and in most cases this is how people make good connections for jobs, social status, get into places, etc. Assimilation is difficult and America is not for everybody but that doesn’t take away the many great opportunities found in this country.
Thanks Estefania. I appreciate the connections you make between small talk and assimilation. It seems you see small talk as a thing we need to understand through assimilation. I didn’t see it as that. I saw small talk as this idea that means something different depending on where you are. I think it’s okay to understand small talk as something different from what an American might think. Maybe all of our ideas on small talk can co-exist.
As a person who lives in America, I think I can speak from experience when I say that the American culture is certainly one of the strangest. Every interaction with another individual almost always requires small talk, or it would be considered disrespectful. This ‘small talk’ is just a brief exchange of words that always start with a greeting and then possibly a good gesture or compliment, but as Mahajan mentions, how sincere are the actual gesture/compliment if one does it with every small talk we encounter throughout our daily lives in America. This is the type of small talk that I have personally tried to stray away from for the simple reason that it is unnecessary and it seems two-faced. The entire small talk just seems fake and manipulative because many times, they really do not think that ones shirt looks nice or that they like their hair, it’s just a front to something else that they are attempting to receive during the dialogue. I believe it is time that we start to move forward from the ‘small talk’ because it just seems to be insincere, instead we should just start a interaction with the objective of the individual. A salesmen should be direct with what they are attempting to sell, because it is very clear to all parties involved that the salesmen is going to start the conversation with a compliment to try to win over the client and from our personal experiences, we know it is not genuine. In a country like America, I think it is crucial we get straight to business.
Thanks Joel. Your astute observation that sometimes small talk is actually a waste of time made me laugh. I kind of hate when someone compliments my outfit or hair because I feel like the person is saying that’s all I care about. Your post makes me think of all of the manipulations of small talk at the work place.
This piece of writing is relatable to most in quite some ways. I can relate to Kran when he states that where he grew up, you don’t ask each other how your day has been. That is the famous statement of American small talk. It’s absurd for Karan’s friend Tom to mention that he is “rude” to waiter due to him not making small talk, even if he was only joking. Tom has influenced Karan to make small talk and that is what he thinks about before going anywhere. Can you imagine going to starbucks for example, just to make small talk with an employee as they are simply trying to do their job? Don’t get me wrong small talk can be nice, especially if you are a frequent customer. However, for the most part small talk is awkward if I do say so myself and to make a compliment even if it isn’t true.
Thanks Fathima! I love when you say small talk at a Starbucks is awkward if the barista is simply trying to do their job. Did you know “small talk” is considered “good customer service” in some stores in the US? I realized this when I went to Germany and none of the waiters were interested in talking to me about the weather. Go figure!
In his autoethnography, “My Struggle With American Small Talk”, Karan Mahajan writes about the challenges of small talk in the United States. He states how “small talk” is “dishonest” (2). Personally, I believe small talk is normal and not weird at all, to a certain point of course. For instance, in my town in Mexico, it’s actually considered rude if you don’t make small talk with someone especially in a restaurant or in a grocery store. Since I grew up around that culture, small talk was never an issue I thought was random in other countries. However, I believe compliments or making “jokes” are too much. One could greet a person and leave it at that, there’s no need to joke around with a stranger who’s working. Additionally, there are a few workers that make small talk because their job requires them to. For instance, if you go to a shoe store, a worker will try to encourage you to buy shoes by complimenting you. When they do so throughout the day, it does become insincere and they sound like robots. Furthermore, those who come from different countries definitely face culture shock like Karan did. His friend Tom was most likely raised in the United States, therefore was accustomed to small talk. However, like Karan said, in India like in many other countries, people are straightforward and don’t care about small talk. It’s the little details that make it difficult to adapt sometimes. Different countries have different cultures and when one migrates to a different country it may be difficult to adapt due to culture shock.
Thanks Rebeca, you make a really important point here about the different degrees of small talk. A friendly chat is okay, but maybe jokes and compliments can be too much. I wonder why that is? I also appreciated your acknowledgement of how difficult small talk can be if you’re not familiar with the custom. It is the little things that can be so difficult to get used to sometimes.
Growing up in Dehli, India, where small talk is rarely used, the author, Majahan found it difficult to adapt to the United States’ way of communicating. During his arrival to the United States, he did not see the point of small talk, and he thought it was offensive. However, his American friend named Tom made a joke, that the lack of small talk to restaurant workers was a sign of rudeness. In Dehli, “commerce is brusque” (NYTimes), while in the United States, an employee usually asks the customer questions such as “how’s it going?”. Ten years later, Majahan made progress in small talk, but he still thinks that Americans have a hard time understanding him.
Thanks for this summary. I wonder what you made of his resistance to small talk? I thought it was interesting to think about things other people do when talking or writing that I’m not used to and how I manage in these situations.
Extra credit 2- summary of my struggle with America small talk.
In this text, the author is comparing his Indian daily life experience to the American one. The author states that American costumers are welcome by their sellers while Indian commercial interaction is based on the mistrust reciprocally towards sellers and buyers because each thinks to be deceived by the other. For example, an Indian consumer when buying the food pays too much attention in order to find anything wrong, so he/she can reproach the seller anyhow; while an American consumer has no set in mind to vex the seller. The ritual life of these two countries is opposed. The author of this text is has experienced these two environments (India and America), that helps to fit as quick as possible in America’s habits.
Thanks Pende- interesting that you focus on consumer habits and not small talk. It’s an important analysis though. I was confused by your last sentence. What is “fitting as quick as possible in American habits?”
My Struggle with American Small Talk
The article by Karan Mahajan on “My Struggle With American Small Talk” describes the typical challenges immigrants encounter after migrating to America. While comparing his first few years in American and India, Mahajan an Indian born acknowledges that majority of people he is interacting with do not have similar cultural background as his. Therefore, Mahajan finds it odd and uneasy communicating with the Americans’ counterpart. He either feels he is under pressure because of his thick accent or because people are just racists. According to Mahajan, there is separation of responsibility that requires different response at every given time. Therefore, talking to someone unfamiliar require special consideration and selection of words that is not perceived offensive or abusive. For example, when Mahajan was in the restaurant with his friend Tom, Tom told him he was rude because he did not appreciate the waiter, nor did he crack jokes. According to Mahajan that was considered intruding to someone personal life. He was brought up in a culture that differentiated each role and selected when to say what. He considered such talks inappropriate since business time to him was separate from social life. In this scenario, I find cultural differences cross different countries contributed to Mahajan’s struggle with American small talk.
Thanks for the share Erick. I wanted clarification on your last sentence. What do you mean by cultural differences cross different countries?
The reading “My Struggle With American Small talk” talks about that coming to the United States is not easy for new immigrants because it can be quite difficult for them to settle down in a new country. Also, it takes time to understand when we move to a new country and everything seems strange. The protagonist and author Karan Mahajan talked about how she struggled to get used to American life. The author states “American life is based on reassurance that we like one another but won’t violate one another’s privacies” Page 2. This quote means that when people come to America, and they go through the struggle of not understanding a different language. When new people try to say something to other people, they can not say it properly, which makes it difficult for them to speak with others. Also, if people can not understand English, they can not good jobs.
Thanks Aktia, I see you provide examples of the difficulty Mahajan has in settling down in a new country and then go on to analyze it. Great use of MEAL!
“My struggle with America small talk” by Karan Mahajan. The heading gave me the attraction that the story was going to be about someone struggling with talking.
In the world today, culture differs amongst people all over, and as the Indian lifestyle differs from American lifestyle; Ghanaians are also different. That is what we see in this short story about Mahajon. Mahajon came to America in the year of 2001 because of school. In the Indian society when customers are ordering food at a restaurant they have a certain way of doing so unlike we Americans who give compliments and say nice stuff to the waiters. When Mahajan’s American friend Tom tells him he is very rude and mean to waiters, he didn’t understand why Tom should say such a thing because he believed in himself he was a very nice and a friendly person.
Tom taught him how to treat customers. Mahajon believed it was all fake if he truly didn’t mean what he was trying to say to the waiter. He even thought it was meant to be making fun of a waiter just because the waiter was poor and he might be richer.
This story is very true on how we Americans preserve ourselves and act to strangers. Small talks are what helps us start conversation. Many people will like to make friends with someone but approaching the person would be a very difficult task. At times I do the same and by just saying a common “hello “can lead me to say many random stuffs. It’s not being fake or it’s not being as if you are lying about what you are complimenting the person you are speaking to about. Rather “small talks” is a great way to start of a communication with people knowing them or not.
Thanks Israel. You offer a great summary that leads into your analysis of the value of small talk. I agree with you– small talk can be the beginnings of a relationship. Sometimes it’s the only way to start a communication with a stranger! I wonder if Mahajan is troubled by the assumption we should all be good at it or even want to engage in it.