English Composition 121

Making a Writer

Questions I had going through the process of choosing a prompt and writing this blog post:

Can I really write seven hundred and fifty words in questions? Will she notice I spelled out the number seven hundred and fifty to add to the word count? Is it too late to change my prompt? How many big words can I insert into this essay so she’ll think I’m smarter than I really am? Why did I do a draft of each of these prompts and still hated them all? Why do I keep writing and writing what I want and ending up not answering the prompt? Should I just start telling lies? Should I just write what she wants to hear? I already tried the essay topic, but why couldn’t I force myself to stay on focus? Why did I want to explore more than just the prompt? Why did I go on and on and on about something that has no connection with the prompt for the first draft? Should I just write something just to get this over with? Should I lie? Who won the Super Bowl? Why can’t I write anything? Why did I have a blank page for 3 hours? Am I not supposed to be a writer? I wonder if I can finish an episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine and still have time to write this blog post? When was the last time I was actually passionate about writing? Where did the days of running home to read and write go? Why did the passion move away? Who moved in instead? What happened to the girl who used to spend hours creating character in her bedroom and writing their stories? Am I writing too many why questions? I wonder what grade I’m getting on this? I wonder if anyone liked my meme on Instagram? Why can’t I finish this blog post? Why do I think in run on sentences? Am I going to finish this in time? Is this even going to be good enough? When did I start to hate writing? What happened to all those short stories I used to write in middle school that the teacher used to praise me on? Why did I always end my stories with that one classmate dying in the end? Why did everyone laugh at that? More importantly, why didn’t anyone report me for bullying? Am I bully? Am I bad person? Wait what am I writing about again? Is the guy sitting next to me reading all of this off my computer? Does he think I’m crazy? Should I tell him it’s homework? I wonder if anyone posted anything on snapchat? Maybe I should start paying attention in class and stop thinking about this blog post? Is she going to think I’m a bad person because I’m trying to write some of this in my Computer Science class? Why is this class so boring? Should I change my major? Did I email Lena about my calc class? Why do I just keep typing whatever question pops into my brain? Should I care more about this format? Am I going to fail this blog post? What the h*ll is this computer science professor talking about? Am I allowed to curse in these blog posts? Is hell even a bad word? Do more people go to heaven or hell? What was the prompt again? How did I end up at this topic? What does the prompt say? What if there isn’t a topic I like? God how much of my grade is this worth? Should I just lie and write a fake story? I wonder how many words I have? How much is 750 minus 534? Am I ever going to learn to spell? What would I do without autocorrect? Am I doing an internship this summer or take a summer class? Why can’t I force myself to type the rest? Should I do the Addiction prompt? Why do I avoid talking to people about deep things? What’s another word for thing? Why is the word thing such a bad word when writing? Should I talk about my grandma losing her hearing because a doctor gave her a medication she was allergic to? I wonder if she cried when she woke up and couldn’t hear? Could she even hear herself crying? Is this too personal to post online? I wonder why I hate when people show me their cuts after they get cut from cooking? Is it some deep psychological thing? Why do I keep using the word thing? I wonder what time I have to be into work this friday? Is friday capital? Friday? friday? Would I know more about grammar if I was born here? Am I even following the prompt at this point? I wonder how she’ll grade me? When are the readings for Macaulay Seminar due? Why am I so tired? Why did I choose to have class until 7:40 today? Should I add “p.m.” to add to the word count? I wonder what’s going through her head right now reading this? Are other students reading this? Why does that make me nervous? What would it be like to not have bad anxiety? Was saying that I have anxiety too personal? Why am I deleting some questions? Is it because they’re too personal? When did I reach 876 words? How did I go from barely 100 words to that many? Should I end the essay now? Is it too abrupt? What should my title be? Do I have to proofread this? Did I write all of this in one paragraph to symbolism how my brain is thinking too much and jumbling everything together or am I just too lazy to press the tab button? Is this blog post too long? Should I delete words? Should I end it? Why can’t I stop typing? Am I going to be able to stop asking questions? I wonder if I got any notifications on my phone?

Oh, she finally texted me back, let me reply.

2 thoughts on “Making a Writer

  1. Dhipinder Walia

    Thanks Xhesika for sharing this insanely funny post about the realities of writing in school. It reminds me so much of The Academic Tourist in that it’s pointing to realities of the academy while also revealing your personal relationship to writing and school. I’m not sure where this post will take you. I do know that I was most interested in your questions about social media, in your question about your grandmother’s loss of hearing, and in your questions about losing your passion for writing. I appreciate your honesty in this post, and hope you maintain this level of vulnerability when working through future posts as well as the autoethnography.

    Sign on to hypothesis for more annotations.
    Looking forward,

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