What event or memory do you still want an apology for?

I’d like to apologize to myself for the pain I’ve caused myself trying to resuscitate dead relationships, whether they be romantic or friendly. There was a specific point in my life, in high school, where I was so obsessed with popularity and not seeming lonely that I tried to befriend people who weren’t good for me. In freshman year I gravitated towards the one girl that was familiar to me; she had gone to the same middle school as me but we weren’t even friends. I befriended her but immediately realized that we were two different people.

What former version of yourself would you like to go back and visit?

I’d go visit the version of me from middle school, where I had a big group of genuine friends, although I only ended up staying in contact with one of the girls from the group. Middle school was a place where I began to discover myself, I was always writing stories and receiving praise. I was happy for the most part, but there was always one thing that nagged at me; I was such a sheltered child. My father never let me go anywhere. Every time a friend would say, “Hey, let’s go to the movies” or something of the sort I couldn’t go. Looking back, I realized how detrimental this was to my development. Going into high school, I didn’t know anything about the Bronx or the rest of the boroughs.

Who do you wish you knew more about in your family?

I think I have an aunt or cousin that lives in Minnesota, who sent me a letter one day. She’s a retired nurse who apparently travels all over the world. She seems so intriguing and I’d love to learn more about her, but after that letter, I was never able to send one back to her, despite having her p.o. box. Maybe there was a part of me who secretly didn’t care or was scared, whatever it may be. I wanted to have more familial connections but sending letters back and forth just wasn’t appealing to me. That’s something I hate about my personality. I often get bored with people, things, etc. Something always has to be new and I’m always curious about the next big thing. It makes long-term relationships with people hard. I think if I had sent her letters back and forth, maybe she could have helped guide me through this struggle called being a biochemistry major. Maybe she could have given me some vital advice that could have helped at the time

What Local Event do you remember hearing about?

I remember hearing about a local farmers market on Fordham road and always being interested in it. However, I was young at the time with no money to spend but something about supporting local farmers and actually getting quality food intrigued me. To me, it seemed better than Whole foods. However, my rampant thoughts got the best of me and I feared that I’d get sick somehow. If I had ended up going to one, I might have been able to see some genetically edited foods, like peach flavored strawberries

What artist or piece of art moved you? *this reminds me of the literacy narrative that I chose to analyze where the author talked about her love of Angelou

When I first read a Maya Angelou poem, it felt like everything had opened up to me, my womanhood, and insight into adult life, how to handle tough situations. She was such a badass woman and I remember reading her memoir after just having had seen her in television appearances, etc. I would have never known all the shit she went through because her disposition was so warm but firm. Angelou opened up poetry to me. I began to look at spoken words, hoping to perform my own someday. Nowadays, it seems like that phase of my life is over and I only seem to write poetry when I’m feeling down, but it shouldn’t be limited to times of despair. I want to use stanzas and similes to describe the way my boyfriend’s smile makes me feel, along with how he can sometimes hurt me to the core. I have so many deep emotions that I keep bottled up and would never tell anyone, just the notes app on my iPhone, but it does make me feel better.

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