I struggle with this prompt, because I don’t remember any event that I am still looking for an apology. It is not that noone has ever done me wrong, it is more that i have trouble remember speici emotional events in my life. All I remmeber is that I hate a person or that they did me wrong, but it would take a lot for me to remember why. Most people who I am not close to become fictional characters to me. ****They become people in books that I once read, but cant remmeber the plot. I know it chnaged me and the book holds menaing in my life, but I can’t remmeber most of the plot. In pyshcology, one of the questions I got wrong on a test was about what memory stays longer in the brain; I answered with emotional memory, but that wasn’t the right answer. ****From my expeience in life, I have always been able to remember more of how I felt at a given moment. I know that I have been done wrong in the past anfd probably want an apology, but I can’t rmemeber memories when asked about them, usually they come to me when I don’t want them to.
I wish I could visit the middle school verision of me. As I was watching the movie, I had a lot of nastalagia come to me. Harriet and the chracters reminded me of a me that used to say anything and do anything. I used to write and talk and laugh without caring of beuing judged. I never had bad aniexty back then. i would do some of the most cringey things and not care. I felt as life was simpler than. All I did was go to the park and hang with my cousins. Its not that I had no problems, because I think I had more back then than now, it more of I miss how simple those problems were. I wish I could go back and tell myself, why are you crying vecause you have a pimple? I miss the people in my life the most, and I would love to go back and talk to them one mor time. ****Even when I visit them again, it is never the same. it is like two stangers meeting. Two ghosts, who once knew each other, but seem to have forgotten. I wish I could go back and live somethings twice and meet some people twice.
I wish I knew more about a lot of the peole in my family. As I said in my blog post, I tend to avoid emotional talks with people. Maybe because I have always had a little too much empathy (only sometiems) and I end up taking their burdens. I wish I knew more about my mom. I wish I knew more about the women in my life. ****They’re not dead and yet here I am knowing nothing. Sometimes I overhear a story or two and I think wow how did they do that. ****Albanian women have always been strong and I want to hear about the times they have been weak. It wouldn’t change my family, becase most of the women talk to eachother, they gossip and chat. My mom is always on the phone with my aunts. It is almost a support group. I have always wanted to be part of it, but it is an emotional burden. ****I would also feel like an outsider, bevause I have the freedom to escape their traps. They always tell me that I’m the smartest woman in our family, but thats not true. ****I was just the one who got the chance.
The only event that comes to mind is a funeral. I wasn’t even there. At the time I was prpbably five, but all of a sudden I remmeber everyone in black leaving. *****I don’t know if I actually remember this or if it was a dream I made up(once had a dream I fell off the roof and survived when I was younger and thoguht it was an actual memory until I was 16) or a memory my brain created because it did not like the idea of not knowing things. The person who died was very close to me apparently, but even the memories I have of him, I’m not sure if they are real or made up from stories people tell me. I didn’t even know he died, I just knew that all the paretns and adults left all dressed in black and no children were allowed to come. I remmeber people crying or do I? I remmeber candy, but that makes no sense. I want to ask my mom more about what happened. We have a photo of the person with writing on the back, but I forgot about it until now.***** I used to know what it said, but I don’t remmeber.
The art that has moved me the most recndlty has been poetry. I still have trouble reading again, but poerty is a short writing that helps someone feel. I have read poems and not undertood them only for something to happen to me and then reread it and finally got what it was saying. I have read poems and thoguht it meant one thing and turns out the author was saying another, but I never undertood that. The peom meant more to me when it was saying what I thought it was saying. That’s maybe why I had a hard time dicussing poems in english class, because ****I only read them as what I wanted. My teacher told me to read as you are the one wiritng with knowldge of who the writer is and where he comes from and what time period, but I think peotry should be read how you want it. I want to let myself read a peom how I see it. I know authors write poetyr to express their emotions, but it ends up being written for people to relate. ******But what if people are relating to a whole different meaning?