The general consensus from professor Wahlia is that I need to finish working out the organizational structure of my piece and analyze the different steps in the process of my assimilation into American consumerism. In regards to structure, the majority of the paper is set up in chronological order from my childhood and moves into the future but there are parts in the beginning and end that do not fit into this chronological order. Professor W. also points out that I do not touch on my process of assimilation in depth or discuss what American consumerism looks like. I also spend a bit of time talking about my obsession with accumulating new dolls when I was a child and professor W. notes that I should explore this anecdote some more by looking into research on dolls. The idea of guilt is also a recurring theme in my essay and it was said that I should take a deeper look into guilt and how it relates to my process of becoming a consumer and for a time being a sales associate. Finally, referring back to my mention of assimilation, it was mentioned that I need to flesh out my personal process of assimilation more perhaps by describing a specific moment that I feel embodies that process.

I most of the feedback given by professor W. and I think that I need to make an outline of the exact structure and order I want to write the paper in. I think that some parts in the beginning and end are going to be cut out in order to focus more on analysis and fleshing out some of the anecdotes I used in the body paragraphs of the piece. I thought that the descriptions I made initially were enough to convey the point I’m trying to emphasize but it is apparent that I need to discuss more what I mean by assimilation and the features of American consumerism specifically. I also find the aspect of guilt interesting and honestly didn’t realize how much I talked about it in my paper and think its worth doing some more exploring on the idea of guilt in consumerism.

A specific comment I received was “you gloss over assimilation here” by saying “That was how…” I don’t necessarily agree with this analysis because in previous sentences I talked about how important it was to maintain appearances and thats why I needed a job to be able to afford to do this. I talked about how everyone felt they needed to maintain a certain look and that is what compelled me to do the same, to be like everyone. That was me assimilating. Maybe I need to explicitly repeat this and say why again.

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